Tuesday, February 14, 2012

You Know You Are A Military Spouse When...

You know you are a military spouse when…

You know you are a military spouse when it doesn’t even phase you that you carry out all of your prescriptions from a military installation in a brown bag.  I have gotten so used to it, that it wasn’t until recently that I was really “aware” of the brown bag for the first time.  I had an appointment up at Bethesda with a GI Doctor for some stomach issues.  In short, the Dr. basically told me that I need to “start over”, and prepare as if I was going in for a colonoscopy, without actually getting a colonoscopy.  She described the “prep” as much easier these days and said the name of it is “Movie Prep”.  I envisioned myself relaxing in my room watching a movie, with the occasional urge to go.  Not too bad.  She then prescribed Miralax which is a “power booster” to really get things moving after the “prep” and then added in some stool softeners, just for the fun of it.  Looking at the bright side, this has to end with a good 5 to 6 pounds gone – right?

Upon arrival at the military pharmacy, I was about 30th in line.  Not in uniform, not a refill and therefore, not moving!  After sitting in a hard plastic chair, making sure I did not breathe in or touch anything, my number was finally called.   I handed over my number, told them “my” last 4, and was told it will be another 30 minutes.  So, I took a quick trip down to Subway, might as well have a good final meal.  Arriving back at the pharmacy, they called my number and up I went, not even enough time to eat my sandwich.  Of course, I get called up to the counter with the very nice, young good looking military man.  He started loading up the counter in front of me and I instantly turned red, for I knew what was coming.  He sounded as if he was on a microphone announcing each prescription as he held them up for the world to see.   Have you ever heard of the privacy act buddy?  He yelled, “Moviprep”, quickly reading the box, I saw that it is not “MOVIE” Prep like I originally envisioned. I know realize that “Movi” must be short for the you know what that will be “moviiiing”.  He then held up two large jars of Miralax, seriously enough for a 2 year supply, for 10 people. The military loves to give out drugs in Sam’s Club size containers.   Finally, he held up the bottle of stool softeners and gave them a little rattle with a smile.  I felt like all eyes were on the back of my head.  He even seemed a bit surprised by the sheer amount of medication and asked, “Ma’m  are you having a procedure?”  I felt like saying, “no, I am not, Mr. 18 year old who probably poops on command!”    Instead, I just nodded yes, so I could leave.

 It didn’t end there. He then decided to play pharmacist and read me the instructions on each and every medication.  I told him, this is not rocket science; please just put them in the bag.  He was not amused.  He then broke out the bag –yes, the largest brown bag I have ever seen in my life.  And one, by painstakingly one, he loaded up my bag.  You know you are a military spouse when you carry your prescriptions around in a brown bag – and trust me, they have them in all sizes.